I Screwed Up

A backyard mistake, a lost quail, and why owning our failures matters more than ever.

Less than two months ago, I wrote about slowing down. About being intentional. About not rushing through life like it’s one long checklist.

And then I didn’t. And it ended in tragedy.

Texas has this cultural undercurrent I’ve come to admire and wrestle with at the same time. Rugged individualism. Texas tough. Handle your business. Don’t complain. Take care of what’s yours. There’s something admirable in that mindset: responsibility, grit, accountability.

It also happens to be the perfect place for a kid who loves critters.

Our daughter, Valentina (aka Teeny), was born the day after Valentine’s Day, and she’s always had a big heart for animals. For years she’s been in the backyard hunting lizards and snakes, attempting to trap possums and squirrels, forever in pursuit of trapping birds, and climbing trees to check on bird nests. It’s curiosity mixed with compassion. It’s relentless and joyful.

It’s also what led us into becoming quail farmers.

In the spring of 2025 and then again in the fall, we ordered eggs. We hatched chicks (yes, they are very cute). I built out a backyard hutch (more rabbit setup than traditional coop) and the “farm-garden,” and we learned as we went. The quail became part farming project, part responsibility lesson, part family story unfolding in real time.

Two weekends ago, that same passion-for-critters energy spilled into birthday mode for Teeny.

Last year, Teeny had a rat-themed birthday party. This year, we leaned into her current obsession: squirrels.

The official agenda read something like this:

• Indoor games. “Squirrel Flinging” and “Pin the Squirrel on the Teeny.”

• TV and popcorn while watching Mark Rober’s squirrel obstacle course. (A must watch!)

• Parents hiding nuts outside.

• A nut scavenger hunt (with special golden walnuts)

• “Smash the Squirrel.” (aka pinata)

• Finishing with the cake.

The Nut Hunt Golden Walnut the was left unfound - Feb 2026

It was chaotic and loud and sweet in all the right ways.

But between work picking up, evenings consumed with trying to help save democracy through the Texas Forward Party, and preparing for this squirrel-palooza birthday weekend, I was running miles a minute. And if I’m honest, I was worn down.

A couple days after the party, I was informed that the quail hutch was… extra stinky.

Underneath the enclosure are trays, repurposed baking sheets from a local restaurant meant to collect droppings. But the automatic water feeder was leaking. Water mixing with droppings had created what I can only describe as a slow trickle of sewage cascading down the cage.

I put off checking it for a couple days. There was always something else to get to first.

Finally, after dinner one night, I went outside to deal with it. It was worse than expected. And instead of going inside to change clothes and do the job properly, I rushed it. I just wanted it handled.

It was messy. It was unpleasant. It was a hurry-up-and-get-it-done kind of job. And in that haste, I made a fatal mistake.

The one rule we constantly repeat to the kids is simple: always close and lock the hutch doors.

Backyard quails in Teeny's farm-garden

That night, I left the lower hutch open. The one housing four of our fall hatch quail. I didn’t double check before walking back inside.

So let me tell you about Pumpkin.

Pumpkin, a ginger coturnix quail quickly became a family favorite. One week after hatching, my son accidentally “smooshed” her. She lay motionless for a couple hours, and we were certain she was gone. But she bounced back.

A couple months later, when the male quail started getting aggressive, Pumpkin was attacked and scalped. I’ll spare the details, but it required me crafting a tiny medical-tape helmet so she could heal. For three weeks she looked like a miniature Frankenstein’s monster. She bounced back again.

Pumpkin was a fighter. (Yes, “was”... foreshadowing)

So fast forward to the day after I rushed through the cleanup job, Teeny went outside before the rest of us. She came back in quietly and said the door was open.

Pumpkin was gone.

Based on the feathers scattered around the hutch, I’m fairly certain an owl took her during the night.

I screwed up.

And I felt terrible. Not just because we lost a bird, but because it was preventable. It wasn’t bad luck. It wasn’t a broken latch. It was haste. It was distraction. It was me choosing speed over care.

I could feel the excuses lining up in my head. But as I started to talk through it with my wife and the kids, I realized something.

Owning it would go further.

If I admitted that I rushed. If I admitted I didn’t double check. If I talked about not being present and focused. If I shared what happens when you juggle too many things. If I named the mistake plainly and clearly, maybe it would stick. Maybe it would reinforce the very lesson we’re constantly trying to teach them.

So I told them. I screwed up. I didn’t slow down.

I’m sorry.

It doesn’t bring Pumpkin back. But it mattered.

Later that week, as I watched the State of the Union and scrolled through reactions online, I found myself thinking about that same concept… admitting mistakes.

Admitting that things don’t always go as planned. Admitting that new information changes your perspective. Admitting that a promise made confidently last year didn’t unfold the way you said it would.

That kind of leadership exists. I’ve worked for senior leaders who model it well. I admire it deeply. Emotional intelligence. Course correction. Humility. Authentic messaging.

But it feels increasingly rare in public life.

And this isn’t about one administration or one party. It’s been happening across the aisle for years. Promises made. Commitments hyped. Plans that quietly shift or fail. And almost never do we hear, “I was wrong.” Or “We learned.” Or “We need to adjust.”

Regardless of where you land politically, left, right, or independent like me, it’s not hard for any of us to go back a year earlier and to hear what was said during a campaign cycle and compare it to reality.

What strikes me most is that we normalize in public life the very behavior we work so hard to correct in our children.

Own your mistakes. Learn from them. Say you’re sorry. Do better next time.

It actually makes things better and stronger in the long run.

Pumpkin didn’t deserve my haste. But her loss reminded me that the world I want to help build, whether through civic engagement, community leadership, or raising thoughtful kids starts much closer to home.

It starts in the backyard. It starts with following through on commitments.

I can’t single-handedly fix national politics. I can’t force humility into public discourse. But I can model the behavior I hope to see. I can surround myself with leaders, friends, families, and community members who value integrity over ego and accountability over image.

Texas tough doesn’t have to mean pretending you never mess up.

Sometimes it means saying:

I screwed up. And I’m going to do better.

Family first. Neighbors first. Humanity first.
Rooted in Wisconsin. Growing forward in Texas.

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Everyone Is From Somewhere

 German roots, Texas towns, Bad Bunny, and why culture should build bridges... not walls.

Growing up in Wisconsin, I never really questioned where our traditions came from. They were just… there. The family farm sat next to the village of Germantown. Summer festivals meant polka bands and beer gardens. Oktoberfest season brought accordion-heavy songs I sometimes couldn’t understand but somehow knew by heart. German last names were everywhere. Sauerkraut and brats showed up at community picnics like they’d always belonged.

Only later did I realize how much of that was inherited. Chosen. Carried forward.

My great grandparents and their parents before them moved to Wisconsin for land and opportunity. They brought pieces of home with them. The music. The food. The dances. The way you gather. The way you celebrate. Those traditions weren’t relics. They were anchors. Ways to build community in a new place without losing yourself in the process.

When I moved to Austin years later, I didn’t expect that same feeling to resurface. But it did.

Out in the Hill Country, I started to recognize familiar rhythms. The beer gardens in Fredericksburg. The beer halls in New Braunfels. Places like Naeglin’s Bakery, the oldest bakery in Texas, still turning out recipes rooted in German tradition. Gathering spots like Krause’s Beer Hall, where music, food, and long communal tables invite you to stay a little longer than originally planned.

There’s comfort in that familiarity. A small echo of Wisconsin showing up in Texas. And it made sense. These towns were settled by German immigrants who did exactly what my ancestors had done further north: they built community, and they held onto what mattered.

Even though I took a couple years of German in high school, have almost a half-century of polka band and Oktoberfest listening under my belt, I still know less than five percent of the words in most of those Oktoberfest songs.

But the music still lands.

Because music doesn’t require fluency. It carries feeling. Pride. Memory.

Maybe it runs deeper than I realized. Both of my kids’ grandpas are musicians. I used to play a pretty mean tuba. My wife and I had a legit Oktoberfest band, Die Freistadt Alte Kameraden Band, play at our wedding reception in Wisconsin. The sound wasn’t just entertainment. It was a connection to something special.

Die Freistadt Alte Kameraden Band at reception in Port Washington, WI -  2014

So when I drive through small towns outside Austin and stumble onto an outdoor beer garden with a polka band tucked into the corner, something in me relaxes. The music. The culture. The traditions. They connect me to a sense of home, even when home has shifted.

All of that sat with me this week as I scrolled through the wide range of reactions to the Super Bowl halftime show.

The frustration. The disappointment. The anger from some who couldn’t understand a single word because it wasn’t in English. And beneath that, in too many cases, frustration rooted in something deeper and uglier, amplified by the current political climate.

I’ll admit, I felt moments of cluelessness too. Not only because of the language barrier, but because I’m not exactly hip to the latest pop stars. And sadly, I’ve also been unsuccessfully trying to learn Spanish on Duolingo for over three years now.

But to be clear, I thought the halftime performance was incredible.

Bad Bunny captivated me. The production. The energy. The pride. It felt like a window into the love someone with roots in Puerto Rico feels for their culture, and the connection people still living there hold just as tightly. I could feel the intention behind it. The care and the joy.

I couldn’t help but think about friends and neighbors of ours with Puerto Rican roots, and how proud they must have felt watching that moment unfold. I especially thought of my sister in law who holds Puerto Rico so close to her heart. I even felt a little bummed this was the year we didn’t have friends over for the Super Bowl, since our one friend that comes over is from Puerto Rico.

This year especially, the halftime show has become more than entertainment. It’s a cultural moment that has drawn enormous attention to the NFL. And this year, it also revealed something uncomfortable.

Something that should have been a celebration of yet another thread in the American fabric became another point of division.

That breaks my heart.

Because music is one of the few things humans have that’s supposed to transcend language. It’s meant to communicate feeling when words fall short. Dance, rhythm, melody, they connect us before we ever understand lyrics. And yet here we were again, taking something uniquely human and using it to separate neighbors instead of bring them together.

We forget this sometimes, but almost all of our musical traditions in the U.S. are rooted somewhere else. Different languages. Different histories. Different struggles. Different celebrations.

Everyone is from somewhere.

Some of my neighbors here in Austin have roots that run deep in Texas. Others have only lived here a couple of years. Some trace their family history back centuries on this land. Others arrived recently, carrying pieces of home they’re still figuring out how to plant.

That sense of community and respect for others is why I’ve felt such a strong connection to the Texas Forward Party and its values-driven approach, and why I decided to get more involved last year. The more I listen to friends and neighbors talk about what feels missing right now, the more I hear the same refrain: love your neighbor. It’s an old idea for a reason. Respect, grace, and tolerance are still some of the most powerful tools we have for bringing people together.

My first yard sign I created for TXFWD - Love Your Neighbor - 2025

Culture, history, and tradition shouldn’t be weapons. They should be bridges. They should work the way music and food always have, inviting people in, not pushing them away.

To be honest, I doubt I’ll ever be a die hard Bad Bunny fan. It’s not going to be my everyday jam. But then again, not so long ago, the youth of another generation were told their music was the devil’s music. The dancing too suggestive. The artists immoral. The language improper.

The kids revolted anyway. They kept dancing. They kept singing.

And to this day, the one artist, the one who was once considered the worst, the king of hip swinging scandal, is adored by millions and still the King of Rock and Roll to my dad.

As a parent, I want my kids to inherit more than just traditions. I want them to inherit perspective. To know where they come from, and to be curious about where others come from too.

Because everyone is from somewhere. And if my kids can grow up grounded in their roots while staying open to new rhythms, languages, and stories, then they’ll carry forward the kind of community spirit that makes places feel like home.

Family first. Neighbors first. Humanity first.
Rooted in Wisconsin. Growing forward in Texas.

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Walking Slower in Texas

 A parenting story about slowing down, affordability, and time.

A few weeks ago, I was talking with someone who had moved to Texas decades ago from the East Coast.

“You learn to walk slower here; otherwise you’re drenched in sweat in the first five minutes.”

But the more I thought about it, the more it felt like quiet wisdom. Texas has a way of teaching you to slow down whether you want to or not. You don’t rush from place to place in the heat. You don’t sprint across parking lots at noon in August. You learn to pace yourself. You conserve energy, water, breath. You learn patience the hard way.

That does not come naturally to me.

I am wired to move quickly. To finish things. To optimize. To treat life like a race or project plan with dependencies and milestones. Even my downtime sometimes feels calculated. Slowing down can feel uncomfortable, like I’m wasting time or falling behind.

Which is probably why my kids keep finding ways to remind me that speed isn’t always the goal.

Slow down. School Crossing.

That reminder showed up recently during STEAM night at my son’s school. There were various science, tech, and arts related activity stations set up across the school for the night. And who doesn’t love a good punch card challenge. The kids were challenged to complete all the stations for the chance to win a big prize. We were moving from station to station, figuring out where to go next, and I was very much in logistics mode. Keep things moving. Stay on schedule. Don’t linger too long.

At one point, my six-year-old looked up at me and asked, “Dad, how do you spell my full name?”

He already can spell his first name. He repeated it back, proud. Then he moved on to his last name, sounding it out carefully. Thoughtfully. He got it right.

Then he paused and asked, “Is that my full name?”

In my head, the answer was easy. Yes. Close enough. Let’s keep moving.

But instead, I stopped myself.

“Well,” I said, “your full name also has your middle name.”

And just like that, everything slowed down.

We stood there together while he worked through it - likely for the first time. Sound by sound. Letter by letter. No rushing. No correcting. Just waiting. It took longer than I wanted it to. And it mattered more than I expected. He did miss one letter, but he was too proud for me to dampen the moment.

Patience is one of those values we all say we admire, until it costs us something. Time. Momentum. Comfort. Control. As a parent, patience rarely shows up in grand gestures. It lives in small moments like this, when you choose not to hurry someone along, when you let them struggle just enough to grow, when you resist the urge to optimize the experience for your own convenience.

That moment stayed with me because it connected to something older, something deeper.

Growing up, I heard stories about my German great-grandmother. Stories about thrift that went far beyond money. Food wasn’t wasted. Nothing was taken for granted. You didn’t rush through meals or throw things away just because you could replace them. Affordability, in her world, wasn’t just about cost. It was about respect. Respect for resources. For labor. For time. Very likely molded by the times she lived in (Depression-era hardship, war, and farm culture).

Nothing was infinite. Everything mattered.

Now it seems like affordability is more narrowed down to dollars and cents. Prices on shelves. Numbers on a spreadsheet. And those things matter, deeply. But real affordability is bigger than that. It’s whether families can afford time together. Whether parents can afford patience. Whether kids can afford to learn slowly without being rushed through childhood.

Texas has taught me this in its own way. You conserve water because it’s scarce and precious. You slow your pace because the heat demands it. You plan differently, not to squeeze more in, but to endure longer. Patience can also be a form of sustainability.

Parenting, I’m learning, works the same way.

If I rush my kids through everything, I might get through the evening faster. But I’m borrowing against something more valuable. Their confidence. Their curiosity. Their sense that they’re allowed to take up time and space in the world.

That’s not a trade I want to make.

We talk a lot about affordability in public life. Rent. Groceries. Gas. And we should. But there’s another layer that doesn’t get as much attention. Can families afford to slow down? Can kids afford adults who wait? Can communities afford patience instead of constant urgency?

Because when everything feels rushed, people get sharper. Less generous. More reactive.

Patience, it turns out, is a resource too.

That night at STEAM night, nothing monumental happened. We didn’t win anything. We didn’t check off more stations than the other kids. But my son walked away with the pride of knowing his full name. And I walked away reminded that sometimes the most valuable thing you can give a child isn’t an answer.

It’s the time to arrive at it themselves. And something I’ll likely be working on for the rest of my life.

As I think about thriftiness, affordability, and the values we pass down, I keep coming back to this idea. Real wealth isn’t speed. It isn’t optimization. It isn’t how quickly you can move on to the next thing.

Sometimes it’s learning to walk slower. To wait longer. To sit in the heat a bit. To let a six-year-old figure it out.

Because those moments don’t cost money.

But they are priceless.

Family first. Neighbors first. Humanity first.

Rooted in Wisconsin. Growing forward in Texas.

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Taking the First Step Into the New Year

Why getting outside and unplugging may matter more than ever

The space between Christmas and the New Year has always felt a little different to me. The rush slows, the decorations stay up a bit longer than planned, and time stretches just enough to breathe. This year, with cousins in town, unseasonably warm Texas weather, and nowhere urgent to be, that in-between space became a reminder of how much we need moments that aren’t optimized, scheduled, or filtered through a screen.

This past week, I found myself thinking a lot about a phrase I heard constantly growing up:

“Go outside and play.”

It wasn’t a suggestion. It wasn’t framed as a wellness strategy or a developmental best practice. It was just what you did. When the house got loud, when energy bubbled over, when boredom crept in, the answer was simple: go outside.

That phrase came back to me over the holiday break as we wrapped up Christmas and rolled straight into the New Year with a house full of cousins who had traveled down from Wisconsin to spend their winter break in Texas. Unseasonably warm days, blue skies, and weather that they wouldn’t see again for months felt like a gift to the crew from Wisconsin.

On New Year’s Eve, we headed “north” four hours, east of Dallas, to Lake Fork for the final few days of the trip. The goal was simple: slow down, fish, be together, let the kids run around. And yet, even with all that space and sunshine, the pull of screens showed up immediately.

View from the top of the boat house at Lake Fork - NYE Wknd 2026.

As soon as the kids got settled, they headed straight for the game room to play the Pac-Man arcade game. And even though my nephew and son were motivated to head down to the boathouse to fish, as they waited for us adults to get ready they passed the time watching one kid playing arcade games from the ’90s (nostalgic, yes) or watching some creator content on YouTube.

Even after we shut down the arcade games, when we told them to go outside and enjoy the weather, you would’ve thought we were punishing them. They wanted to watch TV or chill inside, mind you, these are kids ages six to ten.

And yet, every single time we nudged them outside, something predictable happened. They swung. They climbed. They laughed. The girls would hold “girls team meetings,” which mostly involved whispering, giggling, and occasionally getting into trouble. Time slowed. Energy shifted. For the most part, the kids who resisted the most ended up staying out the longest.

What struck me was this: even the Wisconsin cousins, kids who are used to being outdoors, needed reminding. Not because they don’t like being outside, but because screens make not starting so easy.
That pattern felt familiar.

There were a couple of decades when I ran regularly, and mornings when I’d spend far too much time debating whether I had enough time for a “real” run, whether the weather would be better later, whether I should relax and catch up on our “recorded shows” or whether I had the energy. Eventually I learned a trick: don’t commit to the hour. Just go out for five or ten minutes. If you feel good, keep going.
Almost every time, five minutes turned into a mile. A mile turned into three. Sometimes it turned into an hour. And when I finished, I was happier, more energized, and proud that I’d just started.

Getting outside works the same way. So does unplugging. So does tackling big things that feel overwhelming. Sometimes the hardest part for me isn’t the effort. It’s making the first step.
That idea showed up again in an unexpected way on New Year’s Eve.

Back at Thanksgiving, the Texas cousins had brought a piñata (that we won at a “Día de la Murta” festival) up to Wisconsin. Somewhere between then and the holiday break, my sister and I decided we’d do a piñata for New Year’s Eve too. Maybe we were trying to limit sugar intake. Maybe my sister was inspired by a story she’d heard about a broccoli-themed birthday party, (Eddie’s Fourth Birthday Party - well worth the listen to hear about the broccoli filled pinata). Either way, we decided to fill the piñata with glow sticks and the pieces from a 1,000-piece cowboy-themed puzzle.

The kids were not impressed. At all.

The mood did change slightly when I offered a two-dollar reward to whoever picked up the most puzzle pieces after the piñata exploded. But once the kids went to bed, the adults were left staring at the table with a real question: were we actually going to finish this thing in three days?

By the end of New Year’s Eve, we had only the border done. It didn’t look promising. The next morning, when I zoomed out, the puzzle felt impossible. But piece by piece, we chipped away. Later that day, confidence dipped again (I believe this time, my sister was ready to throw in the towel). By the end of the second night, four adults sat around a small table, skeptical that all one thousand pieces had even survived the piñata frenzy.

New Year’s Eve pinata puzzle after first night - NYE Wknd 2026

Late Thursday night, as we placed the final pieces… one was missing.

So we shifted from puzzlers to search and rescue, crawling under furniture, digging through bags, retracing steps. Ten minutes later, my sister took another look at the empty space to remind herself what she was searching for: a very nondescript, matches-everything brown piece.

And there it was.

Sitting on top of a finished section of the puzzle, where someone, definitely me, had been placing loose pieces to help “organize” our efforts.

We were done.

It felt silly to celebrate finishing a puzzle. But it also felt meaningful. We’d spent time together. We’d laughed. We’d stuck with something that looked impossible at first in the limited “adult free time we had”. And we’d been reminded that big things get done the same way we got the kids outside or as a runner I’d start moving: one small step at a time. And we had a new New Year’s Eve tradition, a piñata filled with puzzle pieces.

Throughout the trip, and in thinking about New Year resolutions, I was reminded of something I learned years ago during Stagen Leadership training at Whole Foods: the idea of attention zones. The Attention Zones Framework is simple, but it has stuck with me because it explains where our time and energy actually go.

There’s the Reactive Zone, where you’re constantly responding to what feels urgent. The Proactive Zone, where you’re intentional and focused on what really matters. The Distraction Zone, where attention gets pulled without purpose. And the Waste Zone, where time disappears and nothing meaningful comes back.

Technology and AI can help us move faster, learn more, and save time. But without boundaries, they quietly pull us into distraction and waste. The goal doesn’t have to be to eliminate technology. The goal should be to notice where technology and bad habits pull our attention, and then claim back some of that time and invest it to save for something better. Into the Proactive Zone, to get ahead of things and make life easier. To invest more time into people, presence, and progress.

That’s what the puzzle reminded me of. We didn’t solve it by staring at the whole thing. We solved it by picking up one piece, then another. The same is true for parenting in a digital age. The first step matters. Getting outside. Turning off the screen. Starting small. Because once you take that first step, momentum has a way of finding you.

Starting “small” with a big catch at Lake Fork - NYE Wknd 2026

That feels especially relevant as we head into 2026, with AI advancing faster than most of us can fully process. The question isn’t whether our kids will grow up with screens. They already are. The real question is whether they’ll grow up knowing how to step away from them.

Watching my kids and their cousins this holiday reminded me that grounding doesn’t come from grand speeches or strict rules. It comes from repetition. From nudging. From modeling. From saying, “Go outside and play,” even when it’s met with resistance.

Because once they’re out there, they remember who they are.

As a parent, I don’t want to raise kids who fear technology. I want to raise kids who can use it wisely. Kids who know how to unplug. Kids who can focus on the small piece in front of them instead of being overwhelmed by the whole picture. Kids who know that joy, accomplishment, and connection don’t live on screens.

Wrapping up 2025 this way felt right. Slower. More human. More hopeful.

As we step into a new year that will undoubtedly bring more innovation, more noise, and more reasons to stay inside, I’m holding onto this reminder: getting started matters more than getting it perfect.
That’s the invitation I’m carrying into 2026: take one step. Get outside. Unplug a little. Trust that small beginnings, especially when shared with others, still have the power to ground us, steady us, and remind us what being human feels like.

Mom of four enjoying some quite time at the Lily Pad - NYE Wknd 2026

Sometimes the best thing you can say to a child, or to yourself, is still the simplest:

Go outside and play.

Family first. Neighbors first. Humanity first.

Rooted in Wisconsin. Growing forward in Texas.

If you’d like these reflections delivered to your inbox, you can also follow this blog on Substack: wiguyintx.substack.com

Christmas Isn’t Wrapped in Paper

Pokémon cards, cousins, and choosing memories over stuff

Every other year, our family flips the holiday script.

On odd years, we head north to Wisconsin for Thanksgiving and stay put in Austin for Christmas. On even years, we do the reverse. This year is an “odd year,” which means we’re settling into a slow Texas Christmas. No snow. No winter boots. Just Texas December days warm enough for shorts and flip flops.

It’s a different rhythm than the Christmases I grew up with, but it’s one I’ve come to appreciate. A little quieter. A little slower. Less rushing. A bit more room to think and notice things.

One of the things I can’t help being reminded of this holiday season is how much my kids want stuff.

My six-year-old son is laser-focused on Pokémon cards. Not toys. Not games. Just cards. Shiny ones, specifically. He’s deep into collecting, trading, organizing, and proudly announcing when he has a “better card” than his sister. And while Pokémon cards do bring him joy, there’s something about spending most of a Christmas budget on a few dozen small rectangles of cardboard that feels… fleeting.

Especially when I watch what actually happens after the excitement fades.

Walking Santa thru the Pokémon Collection - 2025 

Most of the cards get sorted, compared, and then set aside. One or two special ones get slipped carefully into a binder. And then he moves on.

My daughter, at eight, has a slightly longer list. A few things that feel more substantial. But even with her, I can sense that tug toward more. More gifts. More boxes. More stuff to open. It’s hard not to feel that pull as a parent, too. We want to give our kids everything. We want to create magic.

But lately, I’ve been trying to slow myself down and ask a different question: What actually lasts? What do we really need?

A few mornings ago, over breakfast, I asked my daughter what she really wanted to do during Christmas break. Without hesitation, she said she wanted to see her cousins. Her Wisconsin cousins. The ones she doesn’t get to see nearly enough. She said she wished they could come to Austin for Christmas.

What she didn’t know was that, perhaps subliminally, I’d been planting that idea for weeks. That one of my sisters had already decided to plan their winter break trip down to Texas. So just a couple of days after Christmas, my daughter’s wish is coming true. Four cousins will be piling into our house, filling it with noise, laughter, and chaos. My kids and the cousins won’t find this out until Christmas morning, until they unwrap the gift from one another letting them know they’ll be seeing one another in two days <3.

My daughter had been working a full itinerary in her head since the last time her cousins visited, one that can’t be fit into five days. Zilker Park. Downtown adventures. Maybe the Hill Country. Enchanted Rock if we can swing it. And then, to top it off, a few nights near Fork Lake east of Dallas for New Year’s Eve, where the kids will run around, fish, play games, and stay up later than they should.

It’s a smaller version of what I experienced growing up. Christmas Eve at the farmhouse. Forty-plus relatives crammed into one place. Loud conversations. Kids everywhere. The kind of gatherings where you don’t remember who gave what gift, well other than those couple of years when stuffed pantyhose dolls were the craze and my grandma gifted one where you could very clearly see Santa’s butt crack.

But what did stick were the moments. The people. The feeling of being together and not the stuff. The thoughtfulness of the gifts. And definitely not which gifts were the most expensive or luxurious.

Thinking about the tension of kids wanting things, parents trying to balance joy with budgets, it reminds me of some of the work we’ve been doing this year with the Texas Forward Party around affordability in some of our campaigns. Polling from the University of Texas / Texas Politics Project has consistently shown that affordability is one of the top concerns on Texans’ minds right now (66% are very concerned about food and consumer prices). Not abstract policy debates, but everyday questions: groceries, rent, childcare, gas, and whether the math still works at the end of the month.

Standing there thinking about Pokémon cards and Christmas morning, it hit me that this isn’t just a parenting moment. It reminded me that it’s something families all across Texas are quietly navigating, trying to create meaningful moments without letting the pressure of “more stuff” crowd out what actually matters.

Little elf Christmas card assembly line of 2025

So on a hopeful holiday note, the most meaningful parts of the holidays aren’t the expensive ones. It’s time together. Shared meals. Being outside. Playing games. Making memories that don’t require a receipt.

As parents, it’s easy to get caught up in giving our kids everything they ask for. It’s harder, and more important, to help them see that Christmas is about more than what shows up under the tree. It’s about how it feels to be together. The memories you collect along the way.

Because years from now, I don’t think my kids will remember how many gifts they opened. But I’m sure they remember the time with family and friends, the days spent together, and the feeling that the holidays are something you experience. That it’s the memories collected, not the Pokémon cards, that really last.

Family first. Neighbors first. Humanity first.
Rooted in Wisconsin. Growing forward in Texas.

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What a Holiday Bully Reminded Me About Kindness

On bullies, boundaries, and the quiet strength our families and communities need right now.

Friday nights in our house are pizza and a movie night. And since we’re officially in holiday season mode, this week’s movie was Christmas… Again?!  A Groundhog Day style Christmas story where the main character keeps reliving the holiday until she finally figures out the true meaning of Christmas. Nestled inside the repetitive plotline are several scenes where a neighborhood bully named Gretchen steals the donation jar from two younger kids. At first, the main character, Rowena, is too wrapped up in her own world to step in. But as she re-lives the day over and over, she starts thinking about others. Eventually she decides she’s going to stop the bully… and repeatedly gets tossed around by this big meanie herself.

Then she tries kindness. She hands Gretchen a Christmas present. Gretchen’s face softens. Her eyes brighten. For a split second you think, Ah, this is the moment. Kindness breaks through. The heart grows three sizes. 

And then?

Gretchen shoves her to the ground, grabs the gift and the donation money, and sprints off.

I actually laughed out loud. One of those surprised, “Okay, you got me” laughs. Not because bullying is funny, but because the moment captured something painfully realistic: sometimes kindness doesn’t melt a bully; sometimes the bully just… stays the bully. At least at first.

Rowena even tries to out bully the bully, learning Judo so she can overpower Gretchen, but that still does not work.

I then found myself explaining to the kids why being mean isn’t funny, and why I laughed anyway. My son asked if I ever had a bully when I was a kid. So we ended up having one of those unexpected parenting conversations about boundaries, courage, kindness, and what it really means to stand up for yourself and for others; and how to do that in the kind, right, human way.

It also connected back to last week’s Thanksgiving post, where I wondered whether some of the harshest public figures might soften around their own family tables, whether the versions of them we see on the news are often their worst and not their whole selves. I still want to believe that. People are more layered and more decent than the clips suggest. But believing that doesn’t mean giving anyone a free pass. 

The truth is, we have far too many leaders across politics, media, and business who seem comfortable behaving like bullies. People who punch down. People who stoke division instead of easing it. People who act like cruelty shows strength, when in reality it shrinks the world they lead.

And what troubles me most is this, kids see it. Kids copy it. Kids normalize it. If we don’t challenge bullying at the societal level, we silently teach the next generation to assume this is how power behaves: loud, aggressive, unkind, uninterested in understanding.

Fast forward to the day after pizza and a movie, and we’re standing outside the Texas Capitol, the workplace of some of those very same public figures whose rhetoric often sounds like Gretchen with a microphone. But we weren’t there for politics. We joined thousands of Austinites for the annual Christmas tree lighting and holiday sing-along. A tradition that started decades ago in the Capitol rotunda and has grown into a packed downtown celebration. Warm lights, warm voices, warm energy. It reminded me again that when you get real people together in a real place, shoulder to shoulder, we’re almost always better than the headlines suggest. Kinder. More patient. More human.

Capitol tree lighting and sing along - 2025

That’s what I tried to explain to my kids: kindness is important, but standing up to a bully doesn’t require becoming one. True strength, the kind I hope they carry forward, is a combination of compassion, understanding, empathy, courage, humility, and just the right amount of toughness.

And this is also why I’ve spent so much of this year volunteering with the Texas Forward Party. Of many things, I’m really proud of our Kindness campaign. A reminder that kindness isn’t just a nicety, it’s a strategy. A way to rebuild trust in a time that desperately needs it. A way to elevate leaders who don’t rely on fear or fury to get attention. A way to show that communities can move forward when we choose connection over combat.  And to add a little bit of Texas flair, I got to create a “Fixin’ to Fix It… with Kindness” t-shirt, because I genuinely believe we can fix the future by how we choose to show up now.

The holiday season has a way of nudging us toward our better selves. Maybe it’s the lights downtown, maybe it’s the familiar songs, or maybe it’s that people finally slow down long enough to actually see one another. When I look around in real life, I see far more kindness than cruelty, far more cooperation than division. That gives me hope.

The movie we watched may have been silly (one step from a Hallmark classic) but by the end, Rowena realizes she isn’t the only one dealing with change. Her family, her neighbors, even her bully, are all navigating something. She stops focusing on herself long enough to understand the people around her. And strangely enough, she wins the bully over not by force or by flattery, but by getting her to laugh by setting up a joke booth.

And maybe that’s the lesson the holidays always seem to give us… kindness and a bit of jolly (levity) are powerful things.

Family first. Neighbors first. Humanity first.
Rooted in Wisconsin. Growing forward in Texas.

The How Matters as Much as the What

Reflecting on Thanksgiving, communication, and cornbread stuffing

Being back in Wisconsin for Thanksgiving reminded me of something simple but meaningful: the food matters, sure, but the gathering, the intention behind it is what carries the real weight. The anticipation of getting together. Whether it was the long drive up through the cold, the cousins racing through my parents’ house, or the familiar sound of my mom orchestrating a dozen dishes at once, Thanksgiving has always been less about what’s served and more about how we show up to be together.

And that same idea kept resurfacing all week: in family conversations, in shared meals, and even in the small moments of chaos that come with kids and crowded kitchens. The how matters as much as the what. Wisconsin has a way of reminding me of that.

Growing up, my Thanksgiving favorite: stuffing. Bread cubes, butter, sage, onion; I’d even chow down Stovetop stuffing. So the first time I heard mention of cornbread stuffing when we moved South… It felt wrong, and I knew it wasn’t worth my time.

But then came a Thanksgiving volunteer shift at Whole Foods, in the prep kitchen where I spent hours cutting and drying pans of cornbread cubes. Everyone around me talking about how cornbread stuffing is their favorite.  It’s the best. With sausage. With jalapenos. With Bacon. I defended “real stuffing”, but my curiosity was piqued, and doing more listening then defending I decided I’d make cornbread stuffing that year.

And of course, I was hooked. Traditions evolve. Point goes to cornbread.

As for traditions, fifteen years ago, my family created a rather special tradition: Turkey Dice. It started with leftover Halloween Jell-O shots, and us asking “What if we turned this into a drinking game”, which spiraled into a full-fledged Thanksgiving dice game with an “Offical Rulebook” (misspelling courtesy of my cousin, Cassie). Back then, the adults played like their lives depended on avoiding the final Jell-O shot. But now the kids gather around the table, fighting for the “kid version Jello-O shots” and this year amended an additional tradition singing Hamilton’s “I’m not throwing away my shot!”.

Turkey Dice & Jell-O "shots" with the cousins - 2025

The what of the game changed. The how we come together, and that we always do it… hasn’t changed.

Thanksgiving get-togethers can be a house crammed full, conversations stopping and restarting, kids running in every direction, and something inevitably not going as planned. Joyful for some. Stressful for others. Conversations can be heartfelt, some can be a real snooze-fest, and others can be uncomfortable. I felt blessed this year, since other than the kids having their moments, the only friction I experienced was my niece (Estelle) telling me I looked like Dick Van Dyke’s “Chairman of the Bank” character in Mary Poppins, because he’s old (and I’m sporting a beard these days that has more white in it than any other color).

So on the long drive back to Texas, I found myself thinking about communicating with others, and drawn to a podcast on communication and conversations. Mel Robbins was interviewing Dr. Alison Wood Brooks, a Harvard professor who studies the science of communication. She talked about why conversations feel harder than they should, why we replay them in our heads afterward, and what really makes communication work.

The part that stuck with me most was her TALK model: Topics, Asking, Levity, Kindness.

Not complicated. Just a reminder of what makes conversations feel human.

Topics, when deliberate and thoughtful, set the tone. Thanksgiving starts with “How was the drive?” and ends with stories we couldn’t script if we tried. Good conversations move naturally from light to meaningful when we let them.

Asking, real asking, is about curiosity. Not rapid-fire questions, but the thoughtful follow-up that says, “I’m listening. Keep going.” It’s always a treat to be around someone who does this instinctively, the person who opens the whole room with one question after another.

Levity is the secret ingredient. Not jokes, necessarily, but just ease and lightness. The small laugh after a slip of the tongue that softens the moment.

Kindness is the backbone. The generosity and patience required to assume the best of someone sitting across from you, even when you disagree. Kindness changes the whole conversation, and can strengthen a connection.

Unfortunately, if you turn on the news lately, it can feel like the opposite of all that is going on. The loudest voices dominate. Tribalism wins the airtime. The clip of the day is almost always someone at their worst, never their best.

And I couldn’t help but wonder, when those same people sit at their own Thanksgiving tables, do they soften? Do they listen longer? Do they laugh more easily? Do they show kindness in ways the cameras never capture?

I want to believe they do. When in-person, with family, or with friends. Because what I saw this Thanksgiving is what I see again and again: when we’re gathered in person, around a table, a game, or a kitchen counter we’re softer. We’re better listeners. We laugh more. We give each other more room. And somehow, we find more common ground than we ever do online.

Maybe the world really is divided. But maybe the division shrinks when we choose to show up with Topics worth sharing, Asking in a manner that shows we care, Levity that keeps us human, and Kindness that holds it all together.

The what will always matter. But the how; how we talk, how we show up, how we treat one another is what moves us forward.

Family first. Neighbors first. Humanity first. 

Rooted in Wisconsin. Growing Forward in Texas.

Grace and Tolerance on the Road to Wisconsin

Grace, Tolerance, and Showing Up

I have to go potty!

No, you don’t. We just stopped fifteen minutes ago.

I do. I have to go! I’ll go in my pants!!!”

We’re not stopping again. If you really have to go, we’ll pull over and you can nature pee on the side of the road!

... Fine. Ok. I don’t have to go!

A road trip with the family is a whirlwind of memories with moments you’ll remember forever, and those you’d sooner forget. And as I was having this exchange with my six-year-old son, I sat in the passenger seat with a terrible head cold and a raging headache. My patience was tested, but in the back of my head a very quiet voice reminded me to show grace and tolerance. It was something I had been thinking about in the week leading up to our trip to Wisconsin.

Earlier in the week, we had our annual parents’ Thanksgiving meal at the school cafeteria. You squeeze yourself into tiny chairs at tiny tables and suddenly remember just how small elementary school furniture really is. First came the wave of Kindergarteners, all energy and excitement. Then thirty minutes later came round two with the third graders.

The teachers and administration always do an amazing job, and the lunchroom staff and PTA make it feel like a real holiday moment. Someone from the neighborhood played guitar this year, giving everything a warm, homey feel. The mashed potatoes were even on point (I would have gone back for seconds if allowed). Kids whose parents couldn’t make it were pulled into other families’ tables, and within minutes these little “extended Thanksgiving families” formed in the middle of twenty-five minutes of pure chaos.

Parents also get a front-row seat to what lunchtime actually looks and sounds like with a room full of little humans. It’s loud, messy, unpredictable, and watching the teachers and staff navigate it all with calm voices, patience, smiles, and genuine kindness was a real reminder of grace and tolerance. I honestly don’t know how they do it so gracefully. It gave us parents yet another thing to be grateful for heading into Thanksgiving.

Jump to the next day. It was the morning of our road trip to Wisconsin, and the kids had been waiting for this day for weeks. Nothing bursts an eight-year-old’s bubble faster than being told she has to go to school first. Teeny, our daughter, spent all week trying to convince us school was cancelled. Then at breakfast she revised her story: “The school said we could all leave early.”

We had a quick talk about why showing up matters: how if you listen, teachers pretty much tell you all the answers to the tests, and how the school only gets paid if you actually go. (More on that in a minute.)

So off to school they went, slightly defeated but still buzzing about the trip.

As I pulled up to drop the kids off, I saw a bunch of parents gathered on the front lawn. “Oh yeah… PTA meeting.” Even though I had a million things to pack before we left town, after lecturing my kids about showing up, it felt only right to park the Jeep and join the meeting.

We’re blessed with an incredibly well-run and well-supported PTA. The meeting started with great news: we exceeded our Fun Run fundraising goal, which meant extra budget for student programs. Then I learned something I never knew, our school garden grows the tarragon used in a signature drink at Odd Duck, a cherished Austin farm-to-table restaurant that actually has some of its origin story starting in Wisconsin.

There were the usual program updates, and then we got to the heavier topic weighing on schools across Austin and across Texas: funding cuts, closures, and consolidations.

I wasn’t exaggerating when I told my kids that schools only get paid when students show up. Texas schools receive their budgets based on enrollment, but a portion of funding is tied to daily attendance. And the rules for accessing school funding have grown more restrictive, with more hoops and hurdles introduced over time.

Next year, our school will take in a handful of students from a school that will be shuttered. A parent shared insights from a recent conference on Texas’s new school voucher program. Regardless of where anyone stands politically, vouchers almost always lead to fewer dollars flowing into public schools as districts scramble to adjust.

My kids are lucky to be in this specific school, in a neighborhood that is affluent, engaged, and able to fundraise to fill gaps the district and state cannot. Not every school has that cushion. In many classrooms across the state, compassionate teachers are the ones who shoulder those gaps on their own.

Standing on the front lawn, listening to our Zilker PTA leaders and teachers talk through challenges calmly, creatively, and without playing the victim, I felt inspired. This community doesn’t retreat into frustration. They adapt, collaborate, and keep showing up for the kids. It was grace and tolerance in action.

Fast-forward to later that night. A good six hours into the drive north, somewhere just past Dallas, I was reminded again just how big and diverse Texas really is. Every time we pass through Dallas, I’m taken back to my first trip to Texas in 2001 when I was working with JCPenney up in Plano. Back then, North Dallas felt big but quiet and sprawling. Now it stretches endlessly, with miles of growth, development, and expansion in every direction.

Somewhere along that stretch, my head cold hit full force, and the drive became a blur of headlights. Through all of it, my wife showed more grace and tolerance toward me than I probably managed toward her and the kids. I was running on fumes, and all out of grace and tolerance.

The last mile on a trip up to Slinger, WI

As we head into Thanksgiving, I’ve been thinking about how many people around us might be running on fumes too. How many are carrying heavy loads: financial strain, job uncertainty, loneliness, rising food prices, or simply the exhaustion of a long year. Teachers stretched thin. Parents doing their best. Friends navigating change. People who don’t yet have the words for what they’re going through.

Maybe it’s not a cure-all, but there is something we can all give.

A little more grace.

A little more tolerance.

A softer response in a hard moment (or a Thanksgiving table debate).

So whether it’s your son in the backseat, a teacher in a crowded cafeteria, a spouse on a long highway, a volunteer holding a school together, or someone at your Thanksgiving table trying to hold it all together, a single moment of grace or empathy can make all the difference.

This year, that’s what I’m trying to practice more of: presence over perfection, patience over frustration, compassion over convenience. Supporting causes, movements, and groups that lift up communities and kindness.

And in case you’re wondering, and due to a kind reminder of my travel partner, I made my best attempt of presence, patience, and compassion. We did take the next exit to make an emergency stop at the closest gas station for what my son proudly announced would be “a quick pee.”  It was.

Family first. Neighbors first. Humanity first. 

Rooted in Wisconsin. Growing Forward in Texas.

Wisconsin Strong. Texas Tough. Girl Dad "Soft".

What parenting reminds me about real strength.

Nothing has stretched, softened, challenged, or humbled me more than raising two little humans. Parenthood arrives with plenty of advice and manuals, but almost no real preparation for what actually matters. You discover quickly that parenting is one long journey of learning, unlearning, adjusting, apologizing, and trying again.

My kids, two little Texans with Wisconsin roots, are full of curiosity, humor, stubbornness, and kindness. And energy, a lot of energy. They remind me every day that parenting isn’t just about teaching; it’s about being taught. They bring out both the parts of me I’m proud of and the parts I still need to work on. And somehow, they keep helping me grow into the person I want to be for them.

This weekend, I hosted a close friend from Wisconsin and her gaggle of gal pals in Austin. All of them were accomplished, driven, and unmistakably Wisconsin. There’s something grounding about seeing your “old life” overlap with your current one, especially when you’re trying to relive some of the fun from Milwaukee twenty years ago. I brought them to a handful of Austin favorites: Terry Black’s, Matt’s El Rancho, Loro, Halcyon, the Moody Theater, the Golden Goose, and my personal fav’ -> Donn’s Depot. Watching them experience Austin with fresh eyes reminded me how much meaning lives in the places we share with the people we care about.

I didn’t get to join every adventure (like the all-day Hill Country winery tour) because I had the usual mix of work and kid activities. But somewhere in the moments when I did join them, my mind drifted to parenting and leadership - and “gal powered leadership”. I found myself thinking again about John Mackey’s writing on conscious leadership. His book Conscious Leadership had a profound impact on me during my time at Whole Foods Market. Back then, I thought I was studying organizational culture. But standing in those Austin dives, thinking about getting up the next morning to make breakfast for the kids, I realized I was also learning how to be a better father.

Mackey writes about leadership as a balance of traits traditionally labeled masculine: assertiveness, competitiveness, decisiveness; and traits traditionally labeled feminine: empathy, compassion, authenticity, and love. His point is simple: real leadership isn’t about choosing one over the other. It’s about balance. It’s about being fully human. It’s understanding that emotional intelligence, compassion, and authenticity aren’t signs of weakness; they’re essential to being a strong leader.

Growing up in Wisconsin, we had our own version of toughness. Call it “Wisconsin Strong”. The kind of strength shaped by long winters, hard work, and a sense of duty to family and community. After moving to Texas, I quickly learned the phrase “Texas Tough,” a mix of grit, resilience, pride, and independence.

But becoming a parent taught me that real strength doesn’t live exclusively in either one. Real strength lives in the space where grit meets grace. Where confidence meets compassion. Where firmness meets softness. My kids have shown me that the strongest thing I can offer them isn’t control. It’s presence (and a whole lot of patience).

This past week was also Veterans Day, and with it came a wave of memories. I grew up surrounded by a small circle of “extra” aunts and uncles; not related to us by blood, but woven deeply into the fabric of our family. One of which was Uncle Dale (to our kids Papa Dale), a veteran and a quiet hero in the ways that matter most. He passed away last year, and these last two Veterans Days have felt different without him.

He was the father of three daughters and the gold standard of what is now referred to as a “girl dad.” He was always building something, always helping someone, always showing up, and always giving more than asking for in return. His strength had nothing to do with bravado. His strength lived in service, humility, compassion, and love.

Some of the lessons he taught me still echo through my life today. Small things that carry big meaning. I still think of him every time I wind up an extension cord the correct way, or label a tool so it doesn’t “grow legs,” or square and cope a piece of trim. Some lessons I’ve forgotten, but the feeling of being taught with patience, care, and pride is something I will never forget. His woodworking tips, his attention to detail, his insistence on safety and craftsmanship; they were life lessons disguised as jobsite lessons. He showed me what it means to live with both strength and heart.

Parenting today feels very different from the world I grew up in back in Wisconsin. My childhood was spent outside, helping family and neighbors, riding bikes, and being surrounded by community. Today my kids grow up in a world filled with screens, schedules, competition, and rapid change, and often less built-in community. Some days, that weighs on me quietly. It makes me wonder if I’m giving my kids the right mix of freedom, guidance, and connection.

I want my kids to succeed, yes, but more importantly, I want them to be kind. I want them to be curious. I want them to know how to sit with someone who’s hurting, how to apologize sincerely, how to show compassion even when it’s difficult. I want them to grow up knowing that strength without empathy is hollow, and empathy without boundaries is directionless.

And this hope for their future is one of the main reasons I decided to volunteer more of my time earlier this year with the Texas Forward Party I want to do my part to help shape a future that my kids will inherit; where neighbors talk to each other, where disagreement doesn’t automatically mean division, and where kindness is not the exception but the expectation. I want them to see public servants with heart and compassion elevated by their communities, people they can look up to.

Because one day, when they’re grown, I hope they remember how they felt in our home, in our neighborhood, and in our city. I hope they remember feeling loved, safe, heard, and understood. Remembering the small rituals: breakfast together, bedtime books, exploring Zilker Park, discovering hidden corners of downtown Austin, and slowing down in Wisconsin with extended family.

Full load of kids, when you insist to go for a "walk" - Sept 2021

Parenting is messy. It’s loud, humbling, and full of second chances. And maybe that’s the real lesson I’m learning as a parent: that strength isn’t just found in grit, toughness, or pushing through. The deeper strength, the lasting, human kind, lives in the qualities we too often label as soft. The empathy. The patience. The compassion. The presence.

The very traits John challenged us to also honor as leaders and my uncle demonstrated in action, are the same traits my kids are reminding me to honor as a parent. 

Family first. Neighbors first. Humanity first. 

A Bar on every corner... and why gathering still matters

 A reflection on gathering, connection, and the power of showing up

One of Wisconsin’s claims to fame is that you can find a bar on nearly every corner. In Milwaukee and the small towns surrounding it, that was once almost true. In a place where winters last almost half the year, the local bar was never just about beer. It was about gathering.

In the late 1800s and early 1900s, many of these neighborhood bars were built into the first floors of homes. The family lived upstairs; the community gathered downstairs. German and Polish immigrants brought that model from Europe, blending the public house with the private home. People came not just to drink but to exchange news, share a meal, find work, or lend an ear. They were warm places in a cold world, extensions of the living room, I suppose precursors to the modern man cave.

Even out in the country, when I was growing up, this held true. Down the road from the family farm (a short tractor ride), there were two taverns. Luckily for us, one of those bars, "Some Place Cheap", was in the family, owned by my aunt and uncle. Along with having their living space above the bar, it sat across the street from my uncle’s auto body shop. On special occasions, my sister and I would get to play upstairs with our cousins while our parents were downstairs playing dice, sipping brandy Old Fashioneds, or having a beer. And because kids are allowed in bars in Wisconsin with their parents, it wasn’t uncommon to stop by during the day. It was also pretty sweet when your grandpa had an endless pocket of quarters for the jukebox, pool table, or games.

Those bars were community in its purest form. You didn’t need a password or a profile picture. There wasn’t a discussion-board moderator deciding what could or couldn’t be said. You just showed up.

Fast-forward a few decades and a thousand miles south. I now live in Austin, Texas, a city that prides itself on being weird, creative, and connected. And yet, like most modern cities, we’ve slowly traded gathering in person for gathering online.

Ironically, my grandfather’s favorite watering hole back home was called The Shady Grove — which shared a name with a favorite Austin hangout on Barton Springs Road that was right around the corner from us. Sadly, like so many gathering spots in Austin, it too has shuttered.

But every once in a while, something pulls you back to the real world.

This past weekend, my son and I went to a neighborhood event called Save Fairy Alley — a community rally to preserve a whimsical two-block walkway covered in paintings of koi fish, lily pads, flowers, and splashes of color in our little Zilker neighborhood. Fairy Alley became a beloved symbol of local art and expression, but new state highway guidelines now threaten to erase it under the banner of “uniformity” and cost savings.

We went mostly out of curiosity and sentiment — especially after reading the heartfelt words shared by neighbors through the Zilker Neighborhood Association. I knew people would show up, but I didn’t expect how alive it would feel.

As kids filled the faded pavement art with chalk, parents chatted (and chalked), neighbors met for the first time, and the whole alley buzzed with laughter and connection. My son was completely absorbed tracing koi fish and tracing blue splashes. The sounds of kids’ chatter and laughter mixed with the hum of conversation as we adults connected made the whole experience even more precious and memorable. In that short time, I met more neighbors and had more real conversations than a typical meetup.

Miles coloring in a Koi at Fairy Alley

It struck me how powerful these small, local gatherings can be. Fairy Alley isn’t just about paint or art. It’s about place, about having somewhere that belongs to everyone, where creativity and community overlap. Something special to the neighborhood.

Zilker neighborhood gathering for Save Fairy Alley Rally

Losing spaces like that, whether it’s a local bar, a public mural, or a small park doesn’t just change the landscape. It changes the way we relate to each other.

As a parent, I worry about what that means for our kids. When art and music disappear from schools, or when play and imagination get replaced by screens, we lose more than culture, we lose connection.

That theme popped up again this week while listening to a podcast with Arthur C. Brooks, author of From Strength to Strength, which has shaped how I think about the second half of life. In his conversation with Andrew Yang, “The Simple Rules for a Healthier Relationship with Technology”, he talks about reclaiming focus and relationships through habits like tech-free mornings and digital fasts. Something from this episode really stuck with me:

“Every moment you spend on a screen is a moment you’re not spending with a person.”

It’s simple, but true. Connection takes intention.

I’ve started trying to stay unplugged in the morning, keeping my phone away while I get ready and make breakfast for the kids just so I can have time with my thoughts before the day starts. Once I drop them off, I plug back in. But that quiet hour has made a big difference in how I show up for the rest of the day.

And plugging back into people and community is why I found myself thinking about those Wisconsin taverns. What stands out isn’t the drinking, it’s the socializing. People carved out time to check in on one another. They didn’t have to schedule it or scroll for it; it was built into daily life. You just showed up and took a seat around the bar (a unique version of a community table); played shake of the day, caught up on gossip, and crossed paths with neighbors.

Austin had its own version of those corner bars. Hole-in-the-wall spots, dance halls, and local restaurants where people gathered. But you have to make the time to find them; and to show up.

Today, it’s easier than ever to build your own bar; the man cave downstairs or the private media room. But chances are those doors aren’t open to everyone in the neighborhood from 11 a.m. to 2 a.m., six or seven days a week. And when it’s just as easy to hop into an online group chat to debate, vent, or disconnect from reality, it becomes even easier to stay home.

So maybe we can’t turn every living room into a tavern. But I’ve seen creative ways people are bringing that same spirit back. From turning a garage into a neighborhood gathering space, to hosting potlucks and chili cook-offs, to impromptu block parties.

One of the news podcast anchors I listen to recently said her favorite holiday is Halloween because it’s a community holiday. One of the few times of year that’s truly about getting out, meeting neighbors, and spending time in your community. Having more moments and holidays like that, ones that bring us together face-to-face, is something I could get behind.

Because when we stop showing up, the world gets colder. And no algorithm, playlist, or digital feed can replace the warmth of laughter and connection. As the world moves forward, as familiar gathering places close, traditions change, or paintings on pavement fade, it’s comforting to remember that it doesn’t take much; just a few people, neighbors, or family members to bring back the color and warmth.

That’s the kind of community I want to help build, where people show up, listen, and get to care a little bit more again.

Family first. Humanity first. Neighbors first.

It Takes a Village: lessons from Austin on change, purpose, and connection

Rooted in Wisconsin. Growing Forward in Texas.

When I first came to Austin, it felt like a small-town city with heart. It was a blend of the quaintness I felt in Milwaukee, mixed with the vibe you get in Madison, where university life and state government collide. The energy, the nightlight, the music and the Texan friendliness combined with tough love and grit — it all felt oddly like home. Austin had a lot of the parts of Wisconsin that I’d grown to love.

My first few experiences in Austin were nothing short of awesome. My very first visit was back in 2010 for a wedding along Lady Bird Lake for a close friend of mine, a true-hearted Texan I’d worked with at Accenture. It was one of the most elegant weddings I’d ever attended, and somehow it ended with late-night stacks of Popeye’s sandwiches.

A few years later, I came back for the full SXSW experience, and I was hooked. The music, the energy, the way Austin merged technology, progress, music, and art. Cowboys and coders. Barbecue smoke and innovation. It all somehow worked. I remember my first run around Lady Bird Lake, a perfect blend of an expanse of nature in the city. A bit of zen and presence, a feeling that has stuck with me through a thousand runs since.

Around that same time, I was courting Whole Foods Market. At first, it was through my role in a start-up trying to partner with them. But as I dug in to understand the company, something clicked. After years in consulting, I’d grown skeptical that you could “do good” in the corporate world and actually mean it. Then I read John Mackey’s Conscious Capitalism and started meeting the people who lived that philosophy every day.

Whole Foods embodied the idea that business could be a force for good: for community, for people, for the planet. The more I got to know the company, the more I saw how Whole Foods and Austin reflected one another: authentic, entrepreneurial, idealistic, and human.

A lot has changed since I joined in 2014. I left two years ago, and while I’m grateful for everything I learned,  especially Whole Foods’ Conscious Leadership Principles. I also really value the lived application I got through the “Amazon ways of working,” which sharpened how I lead and deliver. Still, the Austin-based culture of those early years feels different now. The vibe has shifted. It’s not bad… just new.

And the same could be said for Austin itself.

In the last decade, growth and change have reshaped this city in ways few could have imagined. Progress, development, the steady flow of people moving here from every corner of the country (myself included) have all left their mark. Long-time residents have stories to tell, and I get it. The small-city charm, the music scene, the weird quirkiness; it’s still here, but you have to look a little harder to find it.

You find it in the neighborhoods, the mom-and-pop restaurants, and the local artists still doing their thing. Austin hasn’t lost its soul…  it’s just buried a little deeper under the cranes and condos.

The Austin "Hi How Are You" wall left standing - after first UT tailgate '25. 

But here’s where my dilemma as a parent comes in. Austin is still an incredible city, full of heart, diversity, opportunity, and creativity. But raising kids here feels more complicated than I expected.

I want my kids to have some of the same experiences like I had in Slinger, Wisconsin.  A small-town life where you could play every sport, join the band, explore the arts, and stay active. A place where you learned teamwork, accountability, and compassion from community leaders and neighbors who looked out for one another.

Big-city schools are different. And in Texas, everything really is bigger. When my kids reach high school, their public-school experience in Austin will look more like college than the community classrooms I grew up in.

Texas currently ranks near the bottom in both education quality (42nd) and school funding (41st). Numbers don’t tell the whole story, but they do make me pause, and hope we can start trending in a better direction.

For my friends back home in Wisconsin, it’s hard to describe just how big Texas really is. Travis County, where Austin sits, has roughly 1.3 million people; about the same as Milwaukee County. My home county in Wisconsin (Washington County) has 1/10th of that population (140,000).

And that’s just one example of a handful of cities in Texas. Harris County (Houston) alone has more than 5 million residents. That’s a population larger than 38 other U.S. states. Bigger isn’t always better, especially when it comes to raising kids.

That scale in size is what inspired a project I’m helping with at the Texas Forward Party spotlighting all 254 counties across the state of Texas, to show how different, and yet connected, our communities really are. Here’s the very first write-up we did:  Harris County vs. Loving County.  Check it out and let me know what you think! One size definitely doesn’t fit all — and that’s what makes Texas both incredible and challenging.

But it is what also reminds me that it takes a village.

Good schools are important, but what truly shapes a child’s life are the adults who show up: parents, mentors, coaches, volunteers, and neighbors who invest their time and care.

Growing up, my mom was that person. She poured herself into our family and well being. It was a full-time job, unpaid, at times unseen, but essential. In 2019, someone who has had a big impact on me (more on that in the future) described mothers as “the most underpaid workers in our economy,” and it stuck with me. Because the time, love, and teaching that parents (especially mothers) invest shape not just their kids, but the future we all share.

It’s given me a deeper appreciation for my mom, my wife, all the mothers I know, and for every teacher, coach, and volunteer who keeps showing up for the next generation.

And in that spirit of parent leaders, I was talking with another Scout leader after church last week, who said he came to the realization that the best way he could contribute, to make the world better, was by investing his time to teach his boys and other scouts along the way. He felt the pull to put in extra time and late nights. It was his way to make an impact, instill values, share skills and help our future generations.

And if my kids are going to thrive in a big city, in a big state, I now realize I need to help build more of a small-town community around them.

And as a related aside finding/resetting purpose, this was a tough week for a lot of my friends and colleagues at Whole Foods, Amazon, and other companies across the U.S. My heart goes out to those impacted; and also to those left behind that are asked to step up and carry even more of the load.

Change is never easy. And in the few conversations I’ve had, the uncertainty of where things are headed, here in the U.S. and around the world, makes it even harder. Some feel like everything’s unraveling; others feel like change can’t come soon enough. Either way, when you’re facing job loss or tough choices about your career, it’s hard to see the path forward.

In moments like this, when our communities and our kids need love and support more than ever, I want to share one more thought, something I’ve tried to internalize myself.

Not everyone fits neatly into gender profiles, but studies have shown a clear pattern. When women find themselves between jobs or with unexpected free time, they’re more likely to fill that time staying busy: volunteering, helping friends, supporting schools, getting involved in church or community.

Men (i.e. my cohort), on the other hand, tend to pour their energy into job hunting, screens, and solitary tasks. And when that search stretches on, isolation often creeps in. We become more likely to disconnect: to retreat into TV, video games, or other habits (gambling, drinking, etc.) that fill time but not the heart.

I’ve been there. After leaving my role, it took me a couple of months to plug back into the real world, and nearly a year to find my rhythm again. What made the difference was people. Being around others. It also helped working with a client that takes volunteering and activism to a whole new level.  

So if you’re reading this and going a little stir-crazy staring at job boards and devices, give yourself permission to step away. Go outside. Call a friend. Find a place to serve. Because connection, real human connection, is the first step to rebuilding purpose. And if you're around Austin, in need of some in real life (IRL) connection, hit me up and we'll grab a coffee.

In closing, yes, Austin is still home. I still love its energy, its creativity, its heart. But the Austin I fell in love with a decade ago isn’t the same city I’m raising my kids in today. Maybe that’s okay. Places evolve, expectations and needs evolve. It definitely takes a village, and I look forward to leaning more into my community now that I've had more time to appreciate the things my family values most.

Family first. Humanity first. Neighbors first.