What parenting reminds me about real strength.
Nothing has stretched, softened, challenged, or humbled me more than raising two little humans. Parenthood arrives with plenty of advice and manuals, but almost no real preparation for what actually matters. You discover quickly that parenting is one long journey of learning, unlearning, adjusting, apologizing, and trying again.
My kids, two little Texans with Wisconsin roots, are full of curiosity, humor, stubbornness, and kindness. And energy, a lot of energy. They remind me every day that parenting isn’t just about teaching; it’s about being taught. They bring out both the parts of me I’m proud of and the parts I still need to work on. And somehow, they keep helping me grow into the person I want to be for them.
This weekend, I hosted a close friend from Wisconsin and her gaggle of gal pals in Austin. All of them were accomplished, driven, and unmistakably Wisconsin. There’s something grounding about seeing your “old life” overlap with your current one, especially when you’re trying to relive some of the fun from Milwaukee twenty years ago. I brought them to a handful of Austin favorites: Terry Black’s, Matt’s El Rancho, Loro, Halcyon, the Moody Theater, the Golden Goose, and my personal fav’ -> Donn’s Depot. Watching them experience Austin with fresh eyes reminded me how much meaning lives in the places we share with the people we care about.
I didn’t get to join every adventure (like the all-day Hill Country winery tour) because I had the usual mix of work and kid activities. But somewhere in the moments when I did join them, my mind drifted to parenting and leadership - and “gal powered leadership”. I found myself thinking again about John Mackey’s writing on conscious leadership. His book Conscious Leadership had a profound impact on me during my time at Whole Foods Market. Back then, I thought I was studying organizational culture. But standing in those Austin dives, thinking about getting up the next morning to make breakfast for the kids, I realized I was also learning how to be a better father.
Mackey writes about leadership as a balance of traits traditionally labeled masculine: assertiveness, competitiveness, decisiveness; and traits traditionally labeled feminine: empathy, compassion, authenticity, and love. His point is simple: real leadership isn’t about choosing one over the other. It’s about balance. It’s about being fully human. It’s understanding that emotional intelligence, compassion, and authenticity aren’t signs of weakness; they’re essential to being a strong leader.
Growing up in Wisconsin, we had our own version of toughness. Call it “Wisconsin Strong”. The kind of strength shaped by long winters, hard work, and a sense of duty to family and community. After moving to Texas, I quickly learned the phrase “Texas Tough,” a mix of grit, resilience, pride, and independence.
But becoming a parent taught me that real strength doesn’t live exclusively in either one. Real strength lives in the space where grit meets grace. Where confidence meets compassion. Where firmness meets softness. My kids have shown me that the strongest thing I can offer them isn’t control. It’s presence (and a whole lot of patience).
This past week was also Veterans Day, and with it came a wave of memories. I grew up surrounded by a small circle of “extra” aunts and uncles; not related to us by blood, but woven deeply into the fabric of our family. One of which was Uncle Dale (to our kids Papa Dale), a veteran and a quiet hero in the ways that matter most. He passed away last year, and these last two Veterans Days have felt different without him.
He was the father of three daughters and the gold standard of what is now referred to as a “girl dad.” He was always building something, always helping someone, always showing up, and always giving more than asking for in return. His strength had nothing to do with bravado. His strength lived in service, humility, compassion, and love.
Some of the lessons he taught me still echo through my life today. Small things that carry big meaning. I still think of him every time I wind up an extension cord the correct way, or label a tool so it doesn’t “grow legs,” or square and cope a piece of trim. Some lessons I’ve forgotten, but the feeling of being taught with patience, care, and pride is something I will never forget. His woodworking tips, his attention to detail, his insistence on safety and craftsmanship; they were life lessons disguised as jobsite lessons. He showed me what it means to live with both strength and heart.
Parenting today feels very different from the world I grew up in back in Wisconsin. My childhood was spent outside, helping family and neighbors, riding bikes, and being surrounded by community. Today my kids grow up in a world filled with screens, schedules, competition, and rapid change, and often less built-in community. Some days, that weighs on me quietly. It makes me wonder if I’m giving my kids the right mix of freedom, guidance, and connection.
I want my kids to succeed, yes, but more importantly, I want them to be kind. I want them to be curious. I want them to know how to sit with someone who’s hurting, how to apologize sincerely, how to show compassion even when it’s difficult. I want them to grow up knowing that strength without empathy is hollow, and empathy without boundaries is directionless.
And this hope for their future is one of the main reasons I decided to volunteer more of my time earlier this year with the Texas Forward Party I want to do my part to help shape a future that my kids will inherit; where neighbors talk to each other, where disagreement doesn’t automatically mean division, and where kindness is not the exception but the expectation. I want them to see public servants with heart and compassion elevated by their communities, people they can look up to.
Because one day, when they’re grown, I hope they remember how they felt in our home, in our neighborhood, and in our city. I hope they remember feeling loved, safe, heard, and understood. Remembering the small rituals: breakfast together, bedtime books, exploring Zilker Park, discovering hidden corners of downtown Austin, and slowing down in Wisconsin with extended family.
Parenting is messy. It’s loud, humbling, and full of second chances. And maybe that’s the real lesson I’m learning as a parent: that strength isn’t just found in grit, toughness, or pushing through. The deeper strength, the lasting, human kind, lives in the qualities we too often label as soft. The empathy. The patience. The compassion. The presence.
The very traits John challenged us to also honor as leaders and my uncle demonstrated in action, are the same traits my kids are reminding me to honor as a parent.
Family first. Neighbors first. Humanity first.
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